My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
