I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
