Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
