im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
