i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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