Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
