After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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