It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
