ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
