Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
