Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
