It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
