He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
