either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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