What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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