I accidentally burped into my bong.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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