What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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