Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
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