So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
