they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
bring money and cleavage
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
