Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
