I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
