fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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