3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
