If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
