T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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