My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
