yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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