My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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