The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's official drugs can't kill me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
