i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
