What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
