Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
