Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
