Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
