ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I supernannyed him into submission
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
