my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
