Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
