my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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