Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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