just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
and she was petting her beer can
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
