I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
