I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
