I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
