I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
