What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
