Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
