someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
