I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
