Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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