Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
