Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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