consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
