Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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