This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
