What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
