its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
