Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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