im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
