This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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