my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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