i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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