Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
