Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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